My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God? Psalm 42:2 NIV
“You don’t need coffee. You need chamomile.”
That was the phrase that entered my mind day-after-day.
One o’clock in the afternoon rolled around, and each day I was faced with the conundrum: do I give my weary body more coffee and try to muscle through some tasks? Or do I take a moment to pour some chamomile tea and rest for the afternoon ahead?
I was in a season of feeling totally wiped. I knew I needed something; it was just a matter of what.
I knew my depleted body didn’t need any more coffee, yet day-after-day, I bought into the lie that my life would function best if I simply had a little more caffeine and found a way to power through what was needed.
As you may be predicting: that pattern only led to my own crashing and burning; the choice for coffee made me an irritable mom, a tense wife, a foggy thinker, and a slow worker.
After days of this bad habit, one o’clock rolled around and that same question popped into my mind.
What will I choose today: coffee or chamomile?
Just as quickly as I asked the question, this nudge came back around: “You don’t need coffee. You need chamomile.” I decided that today was the day I’d listen to that reoccurring whisper.
I poured some tea and sat on my couch. Wooowww.
I took a deep breath, sipped a perfectly hot bit of chamomile tea, and exhaled.
Maybe for the first time all week.
Because you see, in that moment, it hit me: I wasn’t just muscling through my daily tasks, I was stuck in this awful pattern of trying to muscle through my life with God.
I was starting to become suspicious that this whole coffee-chamomile-conundrum may have been God’s way of leading me into a deeper truth regarding my relationship with him.
Do you ever try to “run on more coffee” in your spiritual life?
That happens to me sometimes. My good desire to pursue an intimate walk with Jesus gets all twisty and weird and I find myself anxiously feeling like no amount is enough.
The lies sound like this:
“No amount of Bible reading will fill me with the wisdom I need.”
“No amount of prayer will help me live the life God wants for me.”
“No amount of repentance will cleanse me internally like I want to be cleansed.”
The list goes on-and-on…
Now, hopefully it goes without saying that Bible reading, prayer, and repentance are really good things. It goes awry however, when I start viewing God as a taskmaster versus a loving Savior.
When I forget that he delights to meet me in the moments I devote to him. That it’s his pleasure to save. That it’s his joy to offer wisdom to the one who asks. That he is happy to guide us in our journey. That he spared not only his own son to wipe our souls clean!
It’s when I lose sight of his benevolent grace, that my soul starts feeling depleted.
And when my soul starts feeling depleted, I convince myself that simply working harder will bring the rejuvenation I crave.
In doing so, I continue my journey away from the sight of his grace. And it’s soul-crushing.
We were made to rest in his grace.
We were made to operate in our Christian walk from a place of rest and fullness, with his love flowing through us and out into the world!
Which brings me back to that day… on the couch… with chamomile…
I spent an hour sipping tea, letting the reality of God being with me soak in.
I was reading my Bible—but not frantically like I had become accustomed to, as though it were slipping through my fingers even as I flipped the pages. I read it restfully, believing it was relaying to me the story of a God who stopped at nothing so that I could be restored in his Son.
I prayed—but not frantically, like there was an angry person on the other end of the telephone line judging my words. Instead, I had a light conversation with one I walked closely with, decorated with moments of silence, and riddled with the fragrance of rest that comes only from a well-acquainted relationship.
I softened and paid attention to the shifting of my heart: noticing the rhythms of grace encircling me, transforming me, and calling me ahead in my journey, one little step-at-a-time.
I was enchanted by his grace. And his grace fueled me.
Being with him refreshed me.
And I entered into that afternoon as a wife and mom who had just been hugged by the goodness of God. My children were met with smiles that day. I welcomed my husband home and cared about his day with a heart full of “having-been-cared-for-by-God-myself”.
I was able to do my work—to think clearly and move diligently—from a place of rest.
That hour of chamomile tea may have been the best investment for my productivity I had ever made! And the irony of it, is that that wasn’t even the point.
I hope you’re understanding by now that it wasn’t my actual beverage that made the difference, but the heart posture that God’s grace is surrounding me, and that his benevolence is a a place I can rest in when my soul grows weary.
His love refreshes us when our souls feel parched.
His grace is like chamomile.
And hey! Have you seen the chamomile collection?! I created a painting series along this concept of sweet and delicate chamomile. You can find it in the shop.
And don’t miss the stationery cards laden with chamomile, reminding you and recipients to be rooted in rest. Love to you all!
